These are the stories that become the foundational backbone to our lives and affect the trajectory of it, whether we know it or not. We have been running on autopilot since childhood not stopping to take a pause and look at these beliefs and stories we have told ourselves for far too long. What these stories do is disconnect us from our true innate wisdom and sense of self. They betray us on every level because they are factually untrue. We believe that every human life has to fit in this premolded box and if something lay outside of it then it has to be wrong. I’m here to tell you, “it’s not.”

Oh how I LOVE September! It always feels like its a fresh start to the year. I mean really, September is the new year to me as it is for many people. Between the fall weather approaching, Mother Nature showing her majestic colours and school back in, it’s a remarkable time to begin anew.

I was watching her and I noticed that she wasn’t moving or startled by my presence as she seemed preoccupied. I walked around her to the frontside, got low and watched. All of a sudden, she started rising within her shell as if she was standing tall and I saw an egg release from her.

“Oh my goodness! Is this really happening right now?!”

The “shoulds'“ are back again. Those little devils are devious aren’t they? Today is what I deemed to be Tarot Tuesday and yet there’s no tarot reading created or posted. Why? Because I attuned myself to my highest truth, tapped into my authentic core and it said, “It’s done.” Okay…but shouldn’t I do one last video to explain that I’m no longer creating and posting them? “No. It’s done.” But…but… . “Robin, it’s done. Move on.”

Ruthless!

I feel like I’ve grown up needing to explain myself…

You may not like the look of it. It may cause a great deal of discomfort and dis-ease in your body, mind and soul. An issue keeps repeating. A feeling keeps coming up to the surface. You sense something is not right in your world but you push it down and ignore it time and time again.

Those small signs become whispers, the whispers become yells, the yells become screams and the screams become an eruption that brings everything down upon you until you halt and have no choice but to face it directly.

The question isn’t, “Why am I not enough for them?” The question is, “Why am I not enough for myself?”

If any of you out there have gone through heartbreak, betrayal, not feeling like you are enough, have low self-worth, attachment issues or codependency, you probably can relate to the above questions. The issue truly is not about “them” but rather all about our internal state and beliefs. We have put so much value and emphasis on the external love and approval that we essentially lost ourselves in the chase.

Sometimes I wish I could give in, do what I’ve always done and get that hit of comfort, love and warmth in the familiar. Yes, it would be so easy to just go with what feels natural but where did that end up before? Me, crying and feeling heartbroken again and again. While the discomfort of choosing the opposite feels horrible within me and still brings me to a place where tears arise and fall, I know the place of what was. It was awful.

“If you always do what you always did, then you’ll always get what you always got.” The perfection of this quote is the absolute and undeniable truth of it. The people and players, the environment and circumstances may all shift but if you are continuing to operate from the same mindset and patterns you always have, you’ll always get the same outcome.

So how did this show up for me? My intimate relationships…

Goodness I wish we knew this earlier! Honestly, we could could save ourselves SO much pain, heartache, anxiety and sleepless nights not agonizing over why we were “rejected.” How many times in your life have you been rejected only to wallow in self pity, go into a tailspin of depression and sulk into the comfort of your toxic coping mechanism? Yep…OVER HERE!!!! 🙋‍♀️ DING! DING! DING! It’s devastating to say the least to feel any sort of rejection and when we are unaware that many times, we get those rejections as a way to protect us from ‘something’ we may be completely oblivious to in the moment, it makes no sense and we are upset and hurt.

However, it is time to reveal the big truth of the Universe…

I saw this cut rope on my walk the other day laying on the ground beneath the tree. That sight in and of itself is a stark trigger of pain from the past. Do I dare look up? Slowly I did…nothing. Oh thank God! Then it’s here for another reason. I heard my spirit guides loud and clear. “Cut the Cords.” Ah,..yes.

I don’t know about you but I hate the phrase, “Don’t take it personally.” I think that line is bullshit and a giant excuse for people to act like assholes and take no responsibility for their thoughts, words and actions. They can do whatever they want to do, say whatever they want to say and act anyway they want to act and expect YOU not to be affected by it all which is completely asinine!

However, over the past few years I’ve began to take a deep dive into why people do the things they do, say what they say and act the way they act and I’ve come to the conclusion that essentially it’s their unhealed wounds that drive them to be the way they are when their actions and words could be hurtful to others. In the moments I become aware of that, it changes my perspective to one of annoyance and pain, to one of empathy and compassion. Only then do I truly get what, “don’t take it personally,” means.

This is a primary wound. I feel the intensity of it and am allowing myself to forgive the past and build new relationships with sisters that will fully embrace, support and love me in my wholeness. However, this has come only after such deep betrayal and pain from my sisters. Stories I wish I didn’t have to tell. Experiences I wish I didn’t have to live through.

I never understood why! Why would sisters do these horrendous things to one another? Weren’t we all on the same team?
Apparently not.

It should have been the precursor back in elementary school that I would have this issue. I mean I was a stickler for spelling. I prided myself on spelling words correctly but when the one and only word I got wrong on every spelling test was ‘enough’, that should have been my hint that “enough" and I were misaligned from the beginning.

Well, I’ve had ENOUF!

Yep, that’s how I spelled it. Every…single…time!

My present was not my past. I could give myself the compassion and empathy that what I did experience many years ago was awful and it broke me, so much so I tried to end my life. But I was no longer that same person I was well over 20+ years ago. I have done so much healing and self-reflection since. I suppose I just thought the person I shared so much with and held so much space for would be there to hold that for me. I was mistaken.

I get it. I know you want to think the “best” of others. I do too. It’s that inherent belief that all people have the best intentions and are good but how long are you waiting around for them to actually show you their best selves? You may be waiting much longer than you hoped to.

Sometimes we get to a point in our lives and we start to question:
Why am I like this?
Why do I believe this?
Why do I get this feeling everytime I do this/feel this/think this?
Why does this keep happening?
Why can’t I stop focusing on these issues/blockages?
Why am I so afraid?
Why do I know so much about _____?
Why am I constantly drawn to this place?

We have these questions and so many more that go unanswered. Nothing in this lifetime can explain the “why’s” listed above. The only way to answer them is to go deeper into your past. WAAAAAY deeper.

It’s hard to admit but when the question comes up, “Why don’t I feel connected to some friends, family and acquaintances anymore?” My immediate response is, “Because you piss them off or trigger them in their own life.” It’s a sad fact but it’s true. Not all people want us to change, grow or evolve and prefer us to stay in a low frequency and state so we can commiserate together. But we are no longer choosing, and let me make CHOOSING be the focus here, to live how we used to. Many people call it “in the Matrix” but we would probably call it Hell.

Guess what happens when you keep saying negative words and limiting beliefs over and over? The Universe does this incredible thing! It literally brings you more experiences and more people who support this. Yep, in every single way. We wonder why we keep having these moments that suck, people who don’t love, value or appreciate us in the way we need and we start to get this victim mindset that perpetuates getting more and more shittiness.
“Seriously?!
“Why me?”
”Why does this keep happening?”

I know, I get it. It does suck and I am sorry but this is the time to change it all.

Between a sledgehammer, small crowbar, large crowbar and an axe I dismantled and busted those pieces of my past to smithereens! I was drenched from head to toe and I’d never felt so free, so alive, so unburdened.

I snapped a pic and sent to my bestie. “You look like you just had sex!” she said. I was glowing, in a state of pure euphoria. To be real, she was exactly right.

When we stopped at a nearby parking lot, I got out and looked at the passenger side. The mirror was dangling, there was a slice through the metal door, the handle of the front door was completely gone, the whole front bumper and wheel well were shredded. The car was eventually called a write-off.

How in the world did we all walk away from that without a scratch on us? The answer is simple to me. We were divinely protected. By who or what?