Stop Betting on People’s “Potential”
I get it. I know you want to think the “best” of others. I do too. It’s that inherent belief that all people have the best intentions and are good but how long are you waiting around for them to actually show you their best selves? You may be waiting much longer than you hoped to.
Sometimes I believe we put too much hope in others. We want them to live up to a standard they just aren’t realistically capable of at the present time or possibly ever. I don’t want to say that they can’t do it but it’s common to have high hopes and there’s no concrete proof they could ever be what you want them to be.
Sadly, we push our own projections of what we believe they can be and get frustrated and upset that they just aren’t that person. It angers us, confuses us and at times has us spinning in circles why they just aren’t how we think they should be, could be or would be if they were truly being “their best self” according to us. It’s as if we see them as this shining star and yet they have their own reality. Oh,..yes I said that. We are living in a fantasy and they are the ones being real. OUCH!
It’s not that they couldn’t be what we believe they could be. It’s that we have basically put them on a pedestal. A “potential” pedestal. Not only have we done this, treating them as if they are on this pedestal will essentially drive them away from us not bring them closer. “But I was the one who believed in you all along! I’ve been here pushing you to be THIS person!” This has ‘ICK’ all over it. When we bet on people’s “potential,” we are typically the ones let down. Then we are the hurt ones crying, “I only wanted the best for them.” That’s not entirely true. You wanted the best for them according to what YOU believed for them and never gave them the space, freedom and unattached support they desired all along.
I can see how some of this may fall under the parent-child relationship. Obviously parents want the best for their kids but from what I’ve seen, it comes from a wounded, “I wish I got to do this,” place that wasn’t ever meant for your child. That was YOUR dream, not theirs.
For the sake of our own sanity, let’s start allowing people to show us who they are. When we express what our needs are to them, ask them to share theirs and give each other respect, kindness, love and encouragement without our own agendas leading the way to our desired outcome of ‘how things should be,’ then you have a real chance to have a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with another. Let’s start accepting each other for who we are so others can accept us as well.
When we can show up for one another, provide care, compassion and reciprocal effort, then we are getting somewhere. If you have shared your thoughts, feelings and needs with another and they consistently show you they can’t meet those needs, respect you, honour your relationship with them and make effort to rectify aforementioned problems, then you must have enough self-respect to walk away. If you continue to stay then you give them permission to continue their shitty behaviour towards you. You know you deserve better and you will only get better when you honour yourself first. You can’t rely on “potential”. You rely on reality.
