Stuck in a Cycle of Repeat
“If you always do what you always did, then you’ll always get what you always got.” The perfection of this quote is the absolute and undeniable truth of it. The people and players, the environment and circumstances may all shift but if you are continuing to operate from the same mindset and patterns you always have, you’ll always get the same outcome.
So how did this show up for me? My intimate relationships with males. I can’t say men because this stems too far back and those are boys, not men. For the times later in life, I would still consider this to be a true statement because while the external bodies may “appear” as men, it’s the internal state of a boy they operate from. This is no slight on them. It’s just what I recognize in my own relationships. These males seem to be operating from a wounded place that most likely occurred when they were children so that’s where they too have been stuck in a pattern.
Like attracts like.
I suppose it just finally hit me when I realized that I again am in that same place with the same outcome. Huh…. So if I keep ending up in the same place with the same outcome feeling the same way regardless of the person, place or circumstance, I have to get real here and inquire two things:
1) Why does this keep happening?
2) What is the common denominator here?
I can’t deny the second question. The common denominator is me. I am present in all of these moments and relationships. So, the problem AND the solution thankfully is within me. The first question however is a little more intrusive and needs to be dug into. This also can’t be looked at as a linear issue and has roots that started long ago in other places. The patterns of repeat typically stem from something deeper in childhood, as these males have shown me time and time again. It’s as if we are two wounded children trying to make it in an adult world without knowing why we are operating as such hurt beings.
So I dig…and dig…and dig. Doesn’t everything start with our own parents individually, in our relationship to them and the relationship they had with one another? I think so! It’s around that time between the ages of 9-11 that I created a belief that inhibited me from that point on. I felt lacking and not enough. How did I choose to operate from that point on? I chased. I did things that I didn’t want to do to make others happy. I became whatever I thought someone else wanted me to be. Their likes became my likes. I dressed how they wanted me to dress. I acted and agreed to be a way I thought they wanted me to be or the way they told me to be. And where did that get me time and time again? Feeling alone, upset and so far from who I truly am at my core. I felt lost. I felt ashamed. I felt guilty. I felt unloved. I felt like I was not enough.
I repeated my patterns because the Universe will continue to bring you people and circumstances that validate your beliefs, even when they are to your detriment. Ugh! I just didn’t quite know that at the time or should I say even up to now! Okay, I knew but I ignored it. I didn’t want to dig to the root to unearth my own lacking beliefs. It’s not an easy thing to look in the mirror and realize you are the creator of your life. We just need to become more of the conscious creator of our lives and stop feeling so damn victimized by our circumstances. They continue to show up to validate your lack. When you change your mindset because you’ve dove head first into why areas in your life suck then you will be able to see how it’s not working for you anymore and you have the power and wisdom to change it.
What happens then? New patterns that support, excite and enliven you start to come to the forefront. As I said, the Universe will continue to bring you people and circumstances that validate your beliefs.
You’ve got to dig deep, uncover and look it dead in the eye and say, “You aren’t working for me anymore. I see you, I understand you and I no longer require you to drive the vehicle of my life any longer. Thank you but I’m making a new belief to support and better my life.” You feel that belief wholly and what showed up continually because of it and then you set it free. Now you have the conscious awareness to create a new belief that benefits your life in the direction and feeling you want for yourself. Then you sit. Close your eyes and feel it fully in your body and how GOOD it feels to have it now. This may be a repeated practice daily until you know it’s fully integrated within your being.
How do you know it’s worked? When everything around you starts to validate it. Sure there may be some old residual circumstances that arise from the past belief but that may only be because you have kept people or circumstances in your life from the time you embodied those old beliefs and they are the “leftovers” from who you once were. You may in fact choose to no longer be in relationship with those people, stay at that job or be part of an old lifestyle that doesn’t support your new embodied self. I’m telling you, it feels like a terrible taste in your mouth to continue staying in those old constraints and you just won’t be able to hang on anymore at some point. So you send it love and gratitude then set it/them free.
You are the pattern breaker. You have the capability to look within and uncover why life isn’t working the way you desire it to. Time to take your power back and understand that you are the common denominator here. It was within you all this time. You have always been enough and you are capable of infinite possibilities!
