The Discomfort of Shedding Your Past Self

Sometimes I wish I could give in, do what I’ve always done and get that hit of comfort, love and warmth in the familiar. Yes, it would be so easy to just go with what feels natural but where did that end up before? Me, crying and feeling heartbroken again and again. While the discomfort of choosing the opposite feels horrible within me and still brings me to a place where tears arise and fall, I know the place of what was. It was awful.

To make great changes within your life, you must be brave and bold enough to jump into the unknown. Sure you could easily stay safe in what you know but when that is toxic, unhealthy, addictive, highly stressful and anxiety ridden or you continually feel ill within your mind, body and soul, for the love of God, please recognize you HAVE to change something. There’s a reason all of this is being brought to your attention in your reality or perhaps it’s just within these words here.

What feels “off” in your life?
Do you have repeated cycles that are asking you to address the issues at hand?
Are you ignoring the signs, symptoms and patterns that keep coming to the surface for you to face?

I know there have been moments, if not many that have come up for you. You have made changes (I hope) that have bettered or improved your quality of life. Be it moving from a home or city, ending friendships or relationships, shifting your dietary lifestyle and exercise regime or even your likes and interests as your matured and grown. Some of these changes may not have taken much effort on your part and some have felt like an undeniable death of yourself.

These moments need a compassion and love so strong for you to keep the faith and strive for better. It’s not that you don’t desire to still want that thing, person, place or circumstance in your life because sometimes it hurts so badly within you not to grab hold of it again and never let it go. But you know it didn’t work. Whatever it was and however it made you feel, it just didn’t work no matter how hard you tried. Sometimes it’s in the letting go that you allow the time and space for that to also shift and grow and come back to it at a later time and it can become a beautiful and harmonious part of your life.

I’ve operated on autopilot and in a place of lack for the majority of my life. While I may not seem to have that type of personality or inherent self-belief, I most certainly do within. Change is horribly uncomfortable for me. I’m a fixed zodiac sign, a Leo…and Leo’s don’t like change. But a Leo feeling lack, how in the world did that happen? Life and circumstances out of my control allowed me to take shape with limiting beliefs and a lack of self-love, self-worth and value. It’s plagued me for too long. But I have taken a stand a number of times in my life, fighting back against that lack and wouldn’t take any shit any longer. But it took those instances to the furthest degree for me to truly take a stand and walk away. Thankfully, that made an impact every time for the greatest and highest good. Sometimes a person came back and we have the greatest relationship ever. Another time, it allowed me to return to myself knowing I’m worthy and deserving of more. That gave the opportunity for us to both make great changes and we are happier for it now. A change in diet and lifestyle provided what was best for my body, gave me fuel to move it, joy to lose the weight that served as my old protective safety blanket and feel better than I ever have in my life within myself.

There are countless ways that I have shed my past self, even up until a minute ago as I write this and voice some hidden things to become more vulnerable for you reading. Yes, it’s discomforting but how else could I give the permission to grow from it? Just like an oyster, you need that irritation within to grow that pearl.

So tell me friend, is there a gnawing thought or feeling that you can’t seem to shake that’s asking you to shed a part of yourself or something in your life? Yes, I am asking again in another way because perhaps it’s not until this point you can finally feel that uprising within you and it’s knocking on your door to be answered. I have to admit, the emotional trigger here is felt deeply. It’s quite scary to to face and then move from something that has been a part of you for so long but this is about evolving, learning, growing and bettering your being. It’s about nourishing and honouring your soul to attract those abundant thoughts, feelings, relationships and experiences that are awaiting you.

But I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay that it’s hard to admit something doesn’t work. It’s okay that you have changed. It’s okay that you no longer feel something you used to for something or someone. It’s okay to feel sad and cry. It’s okay to get those feelings of desire to reach back for what you have released. It’s okay to think those thoughts or feel those feelings again that you are moving away from and give it the awareness, acceptance and release once more. It’s okay to yearn, to miss and to love. It’s all OKAY. It’s all part of the process in the uplevelling, letting go and healing.

And please, don’t forget your humanity. Have love and compassion for yourself through each moment. It may take quite some time to shed the layers of your former self. Yet to build a new skin that is strong and resilient will demand patience and strength is that discomfort.

Moment to moment. Day to day. Love your past self deeply then set it free.

XO, Robin