Will I Ever Feel Like I am “Enough”?

It should have been the precursor back in elementary school that I would have this issue. I mean I was a stickler for spelling. I prided myself on spelling words correctly but when the one and only word I got wrong on every spelling test was ‘enough’, that should have been my hint that “enough" and I were misaligned from the beginning.

Well, I’ve had ENOUF!

Yep, that’s how I spelled it. Every…single…time!

I had thought a number of years back to get that word tattooed on me. Perhaps there will be a day I will because it has been one of the greatest hurdles in life. To feel like I am enough. It’s a struggle as I, like many, continue to have throughout our journeys. It’s not like we are born this way but there was a phrase, a feeling, an experience, a trauma that we internalized and came to the conclusion that we are inherently, “not enough.” This is complete and utter bullshit though and I’ve come to the point that this garbage needs to be pitched for good.

Question is, where to start?

With a stomach that turns at the thought and nausea instinctively produces that vomit rising within, that’s the point of which you know you’re on the precipice of something life changing. Let’s get real though, this is not an overnight shift. This is a day in and day out climb uphill to which there seems to be no top in sight.

My perspective changed when I was in a very bad place, over and over. I’d get stuck and had a very difficult time getting out, especially in relationships that weren’t feeding my highest good. Ultimately, I’d give too much, have needy tendencies and tolerate much discomfort to my detriment. I’d chase love, chase validation and chase worthiness. I chased being ‘chosen’. And guess what? Everytime I wasn’t chosen, felt rejected or abandoned it filled my “I am not enough” bucket. I chased because I felt ‘I wasn’t enough’ which repelled and would give me more proof ‘I wasn’t enough.’ My anxious attachment and codependent nature wasn’t doing me any favours.

But with awareness can come change and that’s what I’ve been healing along my journey. Maybe not try to eradicate completely but understand and lean more towards relationships with secure attachment and intradependence within myself. Of course when you are unknowing of your downfalls and operating from a wounded place, you will continue to choose relationships in your life that prove your insecurities and your “not enough-ness.”. It’s a magnet effect essentially. Now with awareness, you have the power to choose healthier relationships for yourself.

Your feelings of not being enough may not have anything to do with relationships but rather your capabilities in your physical body, your work, career and other areas. If this is the case, becoming aware of your feelings of lack, the reasons why you don’t feel up to a certain standard that you hold to be ‘enough’ and the beliefs you also hold around it can liberate you once you decide that the past no longer matters. You are now choosing to build up your best self to achieve what IS aligned for you and allows you to feel ‘more than enough’ within yourself. Because, you are!

These baby steps all add up.

The imperative relationship here is the one with yourself. It’s the one where you have that ability and choice to cultivate and grow those seeds of being enough. Just you, exactly as you are in this very moment can begin to nurture and build your own sense of self, self-worth, self-love and self-value. Ultimately, your enough-ness. This comes without conditions, without judgements, without feelings or old, ingrained beliefs. It’s a statement that you can start to say without attachment to yourself.

“I am enough.”

Set alarms on your phone every day, even multiple times during the day that states, “I am enough.” Write it on your mirrors at home, make it your screensaver on every device. Yes this may sound hokey to you and rightfully so. When you don’t believe or feel something that is true, you will have the desire to reject it and push it away. And know that WILL happen. I state above to say without attachment because it’s a great place to start but know the rejection of such words and more importantly believing them will feel impossible at first. But, can I challenge you to do the opposite? Can I request that you invite it into your life, into your being and possibly make it real and true for you step by step and little by little? Can we all give ourselves permission to love ourselves so fully and feel so inherently “enough” that we can send out signals to others to become this as well? Can we start an “I am enough” revolution?

Oooh…I like the sound of that!

So whether or not the word was ever spelled correctly, it has become a mission to embody my enough-ness and radiate that out to the world.

Because I am enough.

And so are you!

XO, Robin