Starting Over, Yet Again.
It’s probably one of my favourite Sex & the City moments. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte head to the bookstore. Carrie was looking for potential bookcovers for her new book, Miranda was looking for a weight loss book, but it was Charlotte’s reason that sticks with me. She was looking for “Starting over, Yet again” after her and her husband had split. As she looked around what Carrie deemed the ‘Self-Hell"‘ aisle, she found the book, picked it up and took a giant sigh. A woman who was sitting on the floor crying said, “That book really helped me,” as the tears rolled down. Charlotte looked panic stricken, slowly put the book back on the shelf and said, “Travel? Travel?” as she slowly moved out of the section.
That book may not have been a real thing but ‘Starting Over, yet again’ became my reality.
Never in my wildest dreams did I believe it would happen but after infertility, job loss, infidelity, pregnancy, motherhood and trying to rekindle and heal the hurt experienced within the marriage, I chose to let go. I chose to Start Again.
Starting Over about a month shy of my 40th birthday, with a toddler to boot was never in the cards I assumed I had in my hand. However, now being out for almost a year and a half I have realized it was one of my greatest challenges and gifts to give myself. Only in this truly life altering decision was I able to step into the greatest me, one that doesn’t dim her light, afraid to shine fully, be authentically herself and use her voice with strength, confidence and for the greater good. Only when I chose to release myself from my own prison was I able to start a new journey to discover who I am, what I want, what I am capable of and how I can stop being someone that needed to make others love and validate her to feel worthy. Just this sentence brings me tears because it is the awareness of how I have held myself back, kept myself down and tried…I mean really tried to fit into a mold I was just never built for.
So I am here, continuing to gain strength and clarity of who I am at this moment in time and how to continually work to become the person I am meant to be. To help heal. Myself and then others.
Sometimes, ‘Starting Over, yet again’ is the best possible outcome. It’s where you get to rediscover and reconnect to you!
